What I Learned About Quality Conversation from the Trail
Deep conversation. That may be what I miss most from the trail.
From the trail I observed three factors that shape the quality of our conversations: time, a simple life, and smartphones.
Time
Is there any point in your day when you're not on your way to do something or thinking about the next thing on your to do list?
Relatively speaking, time on the trail was unlimited. You could spend 8 hours a day hiking while chatting away, not including time at camp. When you're not limited to fitting a conversation in the time it takes you to brew a cup of coffee in the company kitchen, any subject is fair game with the potential to dive deep.
Let’s go through multiple levels with my own answers starting with the question I receive all the time, why did you decide to hike the Te Araroa trail?
I wanted to travel around New Zealand, but I didn't know how. When I heard about the TA, I thought it was the perfect adventurous way to explore NZ. That's a good enough answer and satisfies 95% of conversations. What if we had more time?
Why not do the Kiwi experience (bus tour) or hostels?
I like to continually change how I travel to push myself into new and unfamiliar experiences. Travel has diminishing returns in that specific sights, smells, and people change, but the experience doesn't. All hostels feel the same at some point.
That’s a longer answer that can’t just be left alone right? You can unpack various parts of that answer. The hint of snobbishness, the motivation to travel, or the growing disdain of hostels. But what if you dive deeper into the original question?
But why the hell would you choose to put yourself through that?
A quote I think about often is “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” - Socrates. The day after finishing the 15 day Larapinta trail, I researched thru hikes. My body could handle 15 days, (well, kind of) but what about 5 months?
If you take the time to dive deeper you'll find the answer to your original question, but potentially inner motivations that shape their life.
A Simple Life
I have vivid memories of starting to talk in a group of 6 people at dinner. At the moment my lips showed signs of movement I had the intense gaze of 5 pairs of eyes. Those moments reverberated through me. Where has this been my whole life?
I don’t like speaking up in groups of people. I've always attributed that trait to shying away from the center of attention.
In the past, I've observed that I correlate the level of response and interest from people to my self worth. Is what I'm saying important? Do people care?
However, time on the trail has taught me that people are not as present as they appear to be.
The minds of most people live in the past or future. The work presentation that didn’t go well yesterday or their upcoming weekend plans.
Practicing meditation is beneficial to being more present in any situation, but a thru hike created an environment that eliminated distractions. Our hectic lives were now reduced to the bare essentials.
Life on the TA was simple. What’s the plan for tomorrow? Walking. What did you do yesterday? I walked.
As any TA hiker can attest, this leads to boredom eventually, but when you simplify your life the length and quality of attention you're able to give increases.
When you divide your day into 30min blocks you're not only dividing your time, but your mind.
Calendars help us organize the events in our lives. They don’t help us focus on one event at a time as they appear.
Smartphones
Imagine a world with no smartphones. In modern life this is almost a hypothetical scenario.
You’ve heard of digital detox’s and no smartphone challenges, but that’s on a personal level. What if everyone around you participated in the same experiment?
Before smartphones our connections were confined to the small communities we lived in. Smartphones increased our connectivity to infinity.
Outside of rest days and resupplies in town, we had 3-7 days in a row with limited or no service for 5 months. Outside of a friendly encounter with a local kiwi, we talked amongst our hiking group or with whoever showed up at camp.
When a smartphone is out, it's only a matter of time until we pick it up or shift our attention to what lies within.
Putting your phone on the table is a subconscious sign that you care more about your connectivity to the rest of the world than the person next to you.
The sight of a smartphone is an itch that is waiting to be scratched.
Now back in Wellington living a normal life, I'm more attuned to how time, simplicity, and my smartphone affect the quality of the conversations and relationships I have.
I miss the time on the trail, but a thru hike is not a realistic long term solution for anyone. Instead, with an outline provided, ask yourself how you can recreate that environment within your own life.